Hubby had been away on a business trip for a loooong time. I was really looking forward to getting reacquainted, if you know what I mean… But dude wouldn’t so much as lay a finger on me. Also suspicious was how kind he was being (not that he’s an ogre or anything), but this was after a much delayed flight home. How odd, I thought. He doesn’t usually avoid having sex, but whatever. By noon the next day, we’d be laying poolside on our vacation and something surely would come of that.
Yes, I know I could’ve initiated sex, but truthfully, I was tired. After a week pretending to single parent it, I’d spent the day of his return writing a new article, filing two others, invoicing and packing up for our vacation. The house was still in a state the next morning, when I got up to attack the kitchen.
There were chocolate wrappers strewn all over the counter. Likely left by Eve, super excited that Daddy came home with a massive bag of Ghirardelli. There was also an empty box of PMS tea. I used it once, didn’t like the taste, so I offloaded the individual packets to my girlfriend, who popped by the previous day. I was going to recycle the box, but I never got around to it.
Kitchen complete, I went the the bathroom to finish packing my toiletries. Front and center on the counter was a container of Midol and a jumble of liners and tampons. And that’s when it hit me. Dude thought I was riding the crimson tide! I laughed out loud because, well, I wasn’t.
I came across the Midol when packing the day before and realized I should throw it out. Like the tea, I never use it, but I didn’t know if I should take it to a pharmacy or just dump it at home. Not knowing, I left it on the counter to deal with later. The liners and tampons were there to pack up, just in case. After having my “friend” unexpectedly visit in St. John, New Brunswick at 6 p.m. on a Sunday when EVERYTHING is closed, I didn’t want to be empty handed on a trip again.
Now you see why dear, old hubs was ever so cautious around me. Chocolate + PMS tea + tampons + Midol = I’m sure to get my head bitten off if I go near the bitch. So there you have it. A little trick you can use when you can’t be bothered to say, “Not tonight, dear.”
How do you subtly avoid having sex when you don’t feel like it?
P.S. You also might like 5 Romantic Hotels in the Rockies and Date Night Dilemma.
That was hilarious J! Oddly enough ‘crimson’ doesn’t visit me anymore & the hubby knows it so I am going to have to get more creative. On the other hand I am ok sounding like a B once in awhile. T
Very funny article. I don’t think my husband would notice anything laying around the house like that.
What is going on with you? This is not like you 🙂 I like it!
Cracking up here.